The Unique Role and Challenges of Being A Stepmom with Tasha Boot
Welcome to this episode of The Determined Mom Show. I am Amanda Tento and I have the fabulous Tasha Booth. She is the CEO and founder of the Launch Guild and she also hosts the How She Did That podcast.
I want to kind of go back to how this episode came about because I saw a post on your Facebook page where someone was saying ‘you’re not a real mom because you’re a step-mom.
I can’t believe that someone would say that to you and then two, I think that is just completely wrong because it doesn’t matter if you gave birth to the child or not. To me, it’s saying you’re not a real mom because you adopted your child. So I wanted to talk to you about it and let you tell us about that and yourself.
Well, thank you and I so appreciated how many people came to my defense in that post situation. Cause I was heartbroken because I was a part of this summit for moms and one of the people was like, ’she’s a step-mom so it doesn’t count.’ Being the mom who raised the girls and everything is different from my role as a step-mom and I think that has value and I think that the girls see me as valuable in their lives.
It’s very personal for me because I have a stepdad who passed away last year and he was an amazing stepdad to me. He became my stepdad because my biological dad passed away about 17 years ago and he was amazing when he was around then when my mom remarried, my stepdad was amazing too. I think that people don’t acknowledge that there’s a learning curve that you have to pick up quickly when you are a step-parent.
You’re stepping into a new role as a step-parent and it creates a different developmental stage in that child’s life.
What are some of those unique challenges that you have faced being a step-mom other than that stigma that you’ve already faced?
I would say knowing what I want to say, how I’m going to say it, or explain it as I am a new dynamic in their family structure. I worked with my husband and we spoke and had conversations on parenting responsibilities and boundaries both ways, etc.
What kind of advice can you give to someone that is in a similar scenario and is thinking about being a stepparent?
I would say communication and grace are the two keys. Communicating with your partner and being honest about where you’re at and what you need. I’m a person who is an extrovert but I’m also an introvert and in that, I just need a lot of recharge time when I am not working or I’m taking a break like being on the couch, watching TV, Tik Tok, etc my husband now knows that I’m going to need like two hours of ‘me time
He honors that about me and knows that that’s just something I need. So being honest and upfront about what you need and about like the fact that the dynamic in your house is going to change and those changes are going to take time, which is the whole grace part, you know, in terms of giving yourself the grace to just understand that some things may be out of place but that’s also fine.
I think that what’s great about my relationship with the girls is that I feel something that their mom may not enjoy. Like I’m the one who loves going to the mall and going shopping and doing makeup and all those things. It’s different from what their mom enjoys and that’s okay.
So don’t feel like you have to be a duplicate of their parents. They’re not looking for that and you don’t need to be that, just be an authentic version of yourself and get to know them as people and know that that’s going to take time.”
Wow I love that, thank you so much, Tasha and if you want to get in touch with Tasha, you can go to Tashabooth.com
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