Busting the Myth of the “Supermom” with Dr. Raquel Muller

Busting the Myth of the “Supermom” with Dr. Raquel Muller

Welcome to episode 142 of The Determined Mom Show.  I am your host, Amanda Tento and I have a very special guest, Dr. Raquel Muller. She is a very good friend of mine and we were in a mastermind together recently, and I just absolutely love her and I love what she does. She is the Mompreneur Success Specialist. So welcome Dr. Muller.

So tell us about you and how you made that transition from doctoring to the kind of doctor you are now, which is becoming that coach for moms.

Sure. Well, I started as a psychologist and in fact, I still am a psychologist licensed in the state of Oregon. When I started my practice about four years ago, it was a general practice and I just wanted to help people. That’s why I went into psychology in the first place. It was family psychology and not knowing anything about running a successful business.

I started to do some research online and started to find resources and people were talking about niching down in that process, I also came across some coaches and consultants that I started to follow. I also began to participate in networking meetings. I was invited by a neighbor to go check out a networking group locally.

So I started getting connected with other women business owners and that all inspired me and I started to realize that I love the idea of doing coaching to help people to grow, not just recover from trauma or depression or anxiety, but to thrive and go to the next level.

The kind of therapy that I was doing is cognitive behavioral. So that was very similar to coaching, very future-oriented and so it felt like a good fit. I also discovered that I love to speak. So I started to use speaking as a way to promote my business.

So I created a coaching program and the whole thing. So I started right away to promote the coaching services, even as I was doing the therapy practice, and then in 2020, I took my big jump. I think that epidemic sort of accelerated that transition for me.

One of the things that attracted me to coaching is the fact that there is that flexibility in the first place, when you’re a therapist, you can only operate in a certain geographical location, right? Wherever you’re licensed, that’s where you are, that’s where your clients are and they can not be in other places.

So I love the idea of being able to work from anywhere. The fact that I could be on the beach in Hawaii and I could be having a coaching session with someone over zoom is just fantastic. So that broadens my opportunity to serve more people and gives me flexibility as well. So today we’re going to be talking about busting the myth of the supermom.

I’m guilty of trying to do all of it, trying to do it all well, falling flat on my face, disappointing my husband, disappointing kids, disappointing myself, disappointing my family, all of those things.

How We Can Avoid All of Those Things and Is Being a Supermom Possible?

Well, I think that there’s something really beautiful about trying to be a supermom, right? Because it speaks to that desire to grow, to improve ourselves, to always do better, to do a great job as a mom, it speaks to the fact that we take that responsibility seriously. We want to give our kids the very best experience that we possibly can and so I love that idea as an ideal.

So perfection is, is great to aspire to in a way but at the same time, it’s not attainable and it’s not sustainable, especially in the traditional form, and what I mean by that is, I picture the superwoman with the Cape and the tight fitting outfit that she looks fantastic in and put together.

This superhero doesn’t need any rest, doesn’t need food, or water and is always ready to jump into action and go rescue someone the reality is that as human beings, we have limitations, and to respond in that way, it’s just not sustainable over the long-term less, we can cause some serious harm to ourselves and that has happened, right.

I’m sure that you’ve seen it. We’ve all heard the cautionary tales about just working yourself so hard, trying to do all the things and then burning out and crashing and so I created a Facebook community that I called Redefining Supermom and so the whole idea here is to go from this traditional picture of the superwoman who does it all and does it perfectly, to someone who can do many things and be sustainable with it.

We need structure to function and thrive in the worst conditions. However, if most of the time we do have a consistent structure and a consistent set of habits that we practice, that leads to that well-being that we’re going for. Doing this in repetition will make you prepared and better able to handle those unexpected things that come out of left field in the family at home and in work life.

If you can get up early and spend 5 to 15 minutes meditating it can be a real game changer in shifting that mindset. Several things come to mind that has changed the game for me and for other people that I know and one of them is self-help books and podcasts such as this one, where you’re listening to stories of other people who have gone through some challenging circumstances and have thrived. 

They have found ways to live their lives differently in a way that’s more sustainable. I have a 12-step process which is a transformation system that I call WOMAN and it’s an acronym. So W is for Wielding your belief and believing in your higher power or a universal source, that’s working with you and in you and through you. 

There is Operating from overflow and M is for Mastering self-love and self-compassion and the A is for activating your awesomeness and it’s about finding the thing that gives you meaning and going for that. The N is all about Nurturing, supportive relationships, and enlisting support.  

If you’re trying to run a business, we as moms are the CEOs in our homes. We’re the CEOs in our businesses as well and CEOs don’t do all the things. They have a team of people that they delegate. CEOs are the leaders and so that is what we want to see it as. 

I do weekly training and lots of content around these elements that I shared and so that’s a great place for learning more and of course, to connect with other moms entrepreneurs who are on that journey.